


Grilled Cheese and Tomato Bisque

by SandrC



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017)
Genre: CU and Benny communicate, Identity Reveal, Krupp isn't as mean as he'd like to pretend, School systems in the US are hella flawed, Sort Of, i love this curmudgeonly old bastard okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 12:05:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18498613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrC/pseuds/SandrC
Summary: Children shouldn't have to worry about things like health insurance or staying in the black or bureaucratic tomfoolery. Until they do.They're only pranks if they don't hurt any one.(But the tiger thing WAS very impressive.)





	Grilled Cheese and Tomato Bisque

**Author's Note:**

> I've been drowning in CU fics as of late (Coexist by ViziVoire and EVERYTHING by HolyMaiden24 being the foremost for my brand righr now) and, as a child of a teacher, I was suddenly very aware of how much George and Harold's pranks would set back Jerome-Horowitz. Furlough days aside, the sheer amount of property damage would mean that overhead for health insurance for any teacher at Jerome-Horowitz would be BUCKWILD. And some of those pranks would even shut the down the school for weeks, possibly! Teachers would have to work without pay or lose pay for days not worked.
> 
> Either way, I love this old cranky bastard and I'm almost certain that one day he would find out about Cap on his own. He's a big boy. He's got a brain. He's got eyes. He can put it together. Also I like the fanon-accepted headcanon that Cap and Benny would talk through notes and post-its.
> 
> And I'm also a sucker for redeemable bad guys.
> 
> (Boys, I love you, but your actions have consequences that you often don't see. Especially when you release a TIGER IN THE SCHOOL THAT IS A HAZARD, IMPRESSIVE OR OTHERWISE!!!!!!)
> 
> The title is my favorite adult child meal. Grilled cheese and tomato soup (bisque just being a very pseudo-fancy type of soup). Dip and eat. Eat and dip. All good.

This is a story about George Beard and Harold Hutchins. George is the one with a flat top and a tie. Harold is the one with the bad haircut and the t-shirt. Remember that, because it's important.

But this isn't _just_ a story about them. It's _also_ about Benjamin Krupp. Principal of _Jerome-Horowitz Elementary School_ , terror to anyone who is younger than a teen, and very tired adult. And he was having one hell of a day.

" _Boys_ ," Krupp said, slowly, each word a weight falling from his lips, "mind explaining what happened?"

George looked at Harold. Harold looked at George. George spoke up first. "Okay, so _first_ off: we _technically_ didn't do anything wrong!"

" _That's not what I'm asking_. I'm asking you," Krupp leaned forward, folded his hands under his chin, " _what_. _Happened_."

"So Melvin was—"

"—being _Melvin_ —"

"—yelling at Sugar for _something_ I forgot about—"

"—something like her accidentally getting gum on his shoes—"

"—so we _may_ have—"

"— _accidentally_ on _purpose_ —"

"—put a bubble gum explosion trap in his locker." George finished. He didn't meet Krupp's gaze. _Neither_ of them did. They almost seemed ashamed of their actions.

Krupp inhaled and then exhaled. "And this _isn't_ your fault? The gum explosion trap _you_ set? _Not your fault?_ "

"To be fair," Harold argued, "if Kipper hadn't tried to stuff Melvin in his locker, we wouldn't have had the giant gum golem running around." They both flinched, realizing that Krupp never saw the monster in question. In fact, he only saw the aftermath because they and Captain Underpants had dealt with the golem.

" _Gum golem_ ," Krupp sighed. He didn't seem mad which was weird. Weird and _wrong_. This set George and Harold's hair on end. " _Okay_ that's... _alright_..."

"You're not gonna... _yell at us?_ " Harold asked. It wasn't for desire for conflict— _quite_ the opposite—but confusion that drove his question. He was confused as to why Krupp wasn't eating them alive. Chewing them out.

"I _could_ ," Krupp admitted, "but what's the point?" He leaned back in his chair, creaking under his weight. "The golem is gone, _isn't it?_ "

"... _yeah_?" George said.

"Then that's _not_ the issue. _The gum,_ the leftover from the golem and the trap and so on, _that_ is the issue." He looked from Harold to George and back again. "Do you have _any idea_ how long it takes to get gum off of surfaces in this school? How much we have to pay the janitors overtime to _compensate_ them for the work? _How much_ this sets us back? How hard it is to pay for _new_ lockers when you blow _these_ ones up?!" His voice raised a bit but he wasn't his normal level of angry.

It was, somehow, _worse_ than him being mad because it felt more personal. More _weary_ than angry. They'd never seen him _weary_ before.

" _We didn't_ —"

" _Of course_ you didn't. You're _kids_. You shouldn't _be_ thinking about cost effectiveness or property damage or labor rights or placating the school board. But _I_ have to and, in the end, it's _you_ that cause most of this." Krupp gestured with one hand, wide and at nothing. "Do you boys know _how much sleep_ I've _lost_ trying to clean up after your messes? _Never mind_ ," he waved his hand dismissively, "that last bit isn't your concern. The long and short of it is this: you _have_ to stop doing this. The _large_ scale pranks."

" _Wait a minute_ ," George tried to interrupt but Krupp continued over him.

" _Small ones_? Signs? Tacks in chairs? _Fine_. You can _have_ that. It's part and parcel of being a kid. But the _bigger_ ones? The emotional trauma caused by the tiger _alone_ was weeks of being yelled at by the school board for ' _unapproved medical expenses_ '. The explosions and refurbishing from that one crazy teacher's toilet robot was _months_ of docked pay for me _and_ the teachers. And I _know_ you're kids but," Krupp gave another exhausted sigh, "you _need_ to be more aware of the consequences of your actions. We need money to _eat_ , boys. You _can't_ keep putting that in jeopardy."

George and Harold exchanged confused looks. Krupp wasn't attacking them. Wasn't _threatening_ them. Wasn't yelling or demanding things of them. He was just talking to them and it was... _weird_.

" _Speaking of,"_ Krupp reached into his desk and grabbed a sheet of paper from within, "I think it's time you came clean for _this_ one too." And he slid the paper across the desk to the boys. George and Harold looked down to read what was before them and paled.

The sheet wasn't anything special, just a standard sheet of printer paper, covered in two different scripts. The alternating lines seemed to be communicating back and forth. It was the content of these conversations that set George and Harold's teeth on edge.

In a tight, narrow handwriting, someone wrote, _**Stop buying such sugary cereal. I can't handle the sweetness. Also please be careful. Anthrope asked questions about the bruises last time.**_

Below that, in a blockier, more unsteady hand was, **_SORRY ABOUT YOUR HEAD. GOT THROWN TO HARD. THE ROBOT WAS STRONG AND I WAS SUPRISED. ICE HELPS. SO DOES THE PILLS YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE. TRY TO NAP TODAY OK?_**

**_You DVR'ed a kids show?! Why? Also can you please stop using bath crayons? They're hard to get out of the porcelain._ **

**_I LIKE THAT SHOW. THE HERO REMINDS ME OF YOU. ALSO ILL TRY TO CLEAN BETTER. YOUR OUT OF MEAT THOUGH. I CANT REMEMBER WHAT KOSHER IS AND ISNT SO IM JUST NOT, IS THAT OK?_ **

**_I suppose I'm a bit flattered by the comparison. I'll leave you a grocery list on the fridge. Remind Edith if you see her before I do to check for allergens in the food. And if you stay out late again, remember to lock the door and where the spare key is._ **

And so on and so forth. _Obvious_ communication between Krupp and Captain Underpants. One thing George and Harold _never_ considered possible.

The boys looked up at Krupp. _Mean ol' Mr. Krupp_. The man who held a superhero inside of him.

 _Be aware of the consequences of your actions_. Those words were loaded and heavy.

"We were _gonna_ tell you!" It _wasn't_ a lie on Harold's behalf. They _were_ going to tell Krupp eventually. There was no doubt in their mind that, when they were graduated, they'd owe him _that_ much. They couldn't just _leave_ him without knowledge of his triggers. Of his powers. Of his _potential_.

" _I know_ ," Krupp replied, _calm_. He was _so_ calm. It wasn't even the oppressive kind that indicated a storm on the horizon. It just _was_.

_What was going on?!_

"How did you even figure it out?" George asked.

"It's _amazing_ what a forty-something year old man can figure out when confronted with lapses in his memory and mysterious bruises on a regular basis." The nonchalant way he was approaching this topic was weird. The _whole_ thing was, but Krupp's casual attitude about this grand discovery was _the worst_. " _Not to mention_ fifteen sheets of paper, five broken crayons, and a _lot_ of denial. I put it together eventually. _I am Captain Underpants but I'm also not_. So Cap and I developed a system. We left notes around for each other to find and reminded the other to do such and so on. I'd even trigger the switch _myself_ to let him have his time in the sun—with the caveat that he _wore some clothes_ from time to time—it's not _much_ but we get by."

" _Oh_..."

"That's... _admirable_. Communicating with the Captain like that. I'm sure he... _appreciates_ it." Harold said.

Krupp smiled, soft. It was a lot like the Captain's. It was weird seeing him like that. " _He does_ , as far as I can tell, though you can always ask him yourself. But I _meant_ what I said," he added, back to Principal Krupp once more, "about taking responsibility for your actions and dialing back the pranks. Some of the teachers here have to work other jobs for the insurance alone because of the damage you and the Captain and your monsters of the week cause. It's not _all_ on you, but it would help if you let up from time to time."

George looked at Harold. He was thinking about the consequences of Krupp knowing about the Captain. Harold looked at George. He was thinking about the logistics of the Captain knowing about Krupp. They shared a meaningful silent conversation using only their eyes. It was about the mental gymnastics that had to be taken in order to get from "I am have a superhero alter ego" to "let's cohabitate". They both turned back to look at Krupp, who was waiting patiently.

"We'll dial it back," Harold nodded.

"We can't promise anything about the supervillains." George added.

This seemed to satisfy Krupp, who stood up and opened his office door for them. "Now _get out of my office._ Get back to class. _Don't_ make me regret this."

George Beard and Harold Hutchins left Principal Krupp's office more confused and worried than how they'd entered. This was not a bad thing.

Back inside, headache already forming in the space behind his eyes, Krupp looked down at a piece of paper on his desk and smiled. He grabbed a pencil and wrote down something in slow, practiced script.

_**You were right. Tonight, you can pick dinner. (Please not nuggets though. One man can only take so much.)** _


End file.
